Honest and Broken

I care what other people think

But sometimes I try too hard-

No I pretend.

I want to be seen as a  mature Christian

Die to self

Stiff upper lip

Impress the flock so I can earn respect and friendship

God is good.

The truth is I am broken

And wrestling with disappointment.

God has hurt my feelings

There I said it

It hurts because I love Him and He loves me but I cannot understand

Why he would do this to someone He loves-

And yet perhaps I am saddled with this BECAUSE He loves-

I am not talking the reasons for good and evil and why bad things happen blah blah blah.

This is deep, personal and relational.

Jesus weep with me, for me,

Like you did at the grave of Lazerous-

I need a friend,

Reassurance that things are not out of control

I need you in a way

I cannot know or put into words,

But you will help me find it

I am sorry I feel this way,

Though maybe I shouldn’t be-

I love you,

Help me to trust you because I am feeling betrayed

And I don’t want to feel that way.

Help me make peace,

To be still

and know

















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An imperfect and broken woman, I seek to know God better believing His promise "to make all things new..." one day at a time, one moment at a time.

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