I reached for a cup,

I did not need-

I could have sought You

In my time of need,

But bitter brew runs deep in my veins-

Steam punk memories like smoke,

Wrap around my brain-

Still depressed,

Only edgey-

Better by far than being in the tunnel of exhaustion-

Do I trust You

To carry me through?

Doubts and questions flood my mind-

Three pills, several vitamins,

And countless cups of tea…

I feel a guilt I cannot shake-

For struggling with a sorrow I did not make-


Seeks to move me

Onto greener pastures-

I fear the letting go.

I want control-

Temporary “relief”

I only have one answer-


Can I trust you with infirmities,

You have chosen not to heal?

And choices,

I did not get to make?





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I am a recovering approval addict admitting my brokenness and trying to recover authenticity and vulnerability in my walk with God.

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